My goodbye

I have long been contemplating this and I have finally come to a decision.

I have been a member of this community for some time now. A heck of a lot longer than most of the current active members. I have seen trend after trend come and go.

After all my time here, I have come to one realization. I am not a designer. Infact, I hate design. I haven't touched photoshop in almost a month and the last site I did for someone took every ounce of energy I had.

Maybe one day, I will have the energy, motivation and drive to design once again, but as for now, I can't do it any longer. My work, personal life (or lack thereof) and other issues are all affecting my ability to create. Mostly negativly. It seems I was most inspired when I was miserable, depressed and unemployed.

I have no plans of being that way anytime soon. It can be said that you are your own worst critic. I think that is true. I have beaten myself up to where I don't recognize who I am anymore. I don't like that. It's time for me to do some soul searching.

I have been contemplating moving back to my hometown for about 6 months. I hate living in the city. I want to move someplace where every morning smells fresh and clean, no the same dingy, dirty smell of the city. Maybe, out there, I will find myself and my life will take a change for the better. Perhaps I will meet the girl of my dreams and raise a family. Who knows?

All I know is that I have lived in this town as much as I can. I can't take the rat race any longer. I'm going home.

Goodbye to you all,

Casey A. Benton
--Axiom

Extra Goodbyes.

Derek. You were one of the first people I ever talked to on this forum. You and I got into it when you first showed up and since then, we have been good acquaintances. Take care of your wife. Perhaps, unplug yourself for a month or so.

Pank. Thanks for building a great site. Lots of 'newbies' really appreciate the help you provide.

Ax, this was really a shock to me, I had no clue how you were feeling. I am absoluetly positve that you will be missed here. Although we didn't talk that much it seemed to me whenever we did we connected. I hope you get your life back in line and I hope you figure out what you want to do. You do have a lot of talent and it was fun to see your work and your witty remarks to people. I am not going to try and change your mind when I came to this forum in August 2001, a few months after you, you seemed to be well liked already and you were also one of the first people to start to notice my talent and help bing it out. (That too a while, lol) I hope to hear from you in one way or another, I will miss you and I'm sure everyone else will too.

Mark

Good luck!

Bye, even though I never got to know you. :(

PS: Good luck with your new life ahead of you

fiarewell

You'll be back. So it's more like *see you later*...

While you are gone, try reading a couple of books... "Creative Utopia" by Theo Stephan Williams and "MTIV" by Hillman Curtis. Good for the soul and good for the designer needing a little mind refreshment.

I've already read the MTIV book. Twice.

See, I grew up in a small town. Due to working or trying to find a job, I haven't had much 'personal' time. I really shouldn't get into it here. Let's just say that Axiom is tired of being alone. Tired of hearing "if you are looking for a girl, you won't find one...it's when you aren't looking that you find here". Well, i've waited long enough to figure out that whoever said that is a moron. Hell, I bet he ended up a lonely bastard.

In otherwords, I'm going home to find me a good ol' country girl with a 4 wheel drive ford truck, a gun rack and a cotton farm.

It's funny. It took me 8 years to realize where I belong. I had to live in 4 different cities to figure out that where I grew up was where I would be the happiest.

I've come to my own conclusions on life already. Much of what you, Ax, mention is pretty much how I've felt for going on 10 years now. If you're depressed (at least for me) it would take quite a breakthrough/extremely powerful life event to knock you out of it. If you have any medical insurance, perhaps get some meds for it. Depression can be either an illness or have actual life causes. If you're just depressed for no reason (though I doubt that), it can be cured. However, if its about real problems, then no pill will help that. Basically, you have to make do with it, or at least thats what I've done.

Also in regards to work and graphic design. Work is yet another harsh reality of life. The way I see it, you require money and therefore have to do something to earn it (unfortunately). If you don't like doing most jobs, sitting in front of a pc and fooling with a mouse and keyboard attempting to be creative is, IMO, much easier/fun that 95% of the jobs that are currently out there. Sure you can't fully design or do what you want, but unless you're rich, life isn't about what you want. Its about what the man with the money wants. And thats the way it is in all facets of work.

My dad always says, "Mark, when you work, make sure it's something you alos enjoy doing."

Axiom, ive known you since i found irc, at first we didnt exactly hit it off, but after being around you some more, you are a really great guy man, I completely understand how you are feeling (at least i think so) and you will be missed an awful lot by me, even tho we've only known each other here for not that long, so long bud, hope ta see ya round IRC or the boards sometime in the future, have a great life if ya dont choose to come back

Take care of yourself Axiom, which is what it sounds like you are doing =) Loosen up, relax, take everything one day at a time for a while, clear your head, all those great things.

Peace Out and hope everything works for yourself....

JM