The Funeral

Tom was on the side of the road and noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by another long black hearse about 50 feet back.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind the man and dog were about 200 men walking in single file.

Curious, Tom respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "Sir, I know this is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this one. Whose funeral is it?

The man replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my wife".

Tom said, "Oh, I'm sorry. what happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog bit her and she died."

Tom inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned and bit her, and she died."

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Tom then sheepishly asked, "Sir - do you suppose, perhaps, ahhh . . I could borrow that dog?"

Pointing behind him, the man replied, "Get in line."

hahahahaha thats a good one mbb. i have one for you.

kinda a bad joke so if you a youngen or dont like dirty jokes then dont look. hehehe funny thing is is that my 12 yr old bro told me this one.

Out on a porch a grandpa sits and eats chips. His nephew comes out and ask for a chip.
The grandpa says " can you dick touch you ass"
the boy replies "no"

The next day the grandpa is eating icecream and the little boy comes out.
"can i have some"
the grandpa replies "can your dick touch your ass?"
"no"

The next day the child is eating some chips and the grandpa comes out
"can i have some"
the child replies "can you dick touch your ass"
the grandpa chuckles and says " yes"
the child say"well go **** your self"

not funny.

Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."

The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."

Here's one I got from a friend, I don't know if its funny or not but WTH.

A guy at a mental institute was singing while his doctor observed.
At first, he was singing lying on his back. After sometime he sang lying on his tummy.

The doctor asked, why did you turn around?
Ohh.. That was side A, I'm now at side B

A man is traveling out west to see the grand canyon. On his way he passes through a small town where he decided to stop for a few days.

The man walks into the local saloon and sits down at the bar. he orders a drink, and then when the bartender serves him, he then asks him,

"Excuse me sir, im just passing through and i was wondering what there is to do in this town for entertainment?'.

the bartender replies "well, we got that barrel over there in the corner.."

"what am i supposed to do with that?" the man asks.

"well, you see that hole in the side? walk over there and stick your jimmy in it."

"umm..are you sure?" the man reluctantly asks.

"yeah, go for it." he assures the man.

The traveler begins to slowly walk over toward the barrel. when he gets to it, he turns around and looks at the bartender one more time. After the bartender shoos him to continue, he unzips his pants, and does what he was told to do.

The man then experiences a sensation like never before. and after he is done using the barrel, he walks back over to talk to the bartender.

"You were right, that was excellent!" the man exclaims.

"What'd i tell ya" the bartender replies.

The man then asks "so can i use that anytime i want to?"

Then the bartender pauses for a second and says "well sure, any day except wednesday."

"why? what happens on wednesday?" the man asks with a puzzled look.

the bartender gives him a smirk and relpies, "well son, thats your day in the barrel"